Meeting of My-Selves

So I was at work and Sweating Bullets by Megadeth happens to come up on the radio. The opening lyrics go something like “Hello Me, Meet the Real Me…” And while I was listening to the song; great song by the way; in conjunction with an article I just read about a dad worried about losing himself in being a dad; wondered what it might be like to meet my past self now that I’m transformed and engulfed in my current role as a dad. Whew, that was a hell of sentence. I’ve evolved 7 fold and the past me would now avenge what the current me has become. See that? Another name drop. Anyway, I have changed quite a bit since my formidable years.  I’d imagine that exchange would go something like this. For clarity, I’ll be in the perspective of current me. *All persons, places and events told within are indeed true and not fictionalized.
I’m sitting in some café because that’s what us baby-toting dads do nowadays, waiting for me to enter. I’m sipping on a White Mocha Cappuccino and playing on my phone. Past me walks in wearing my baggy ass JNCO Jeans, 5ft long wallet chain, Airwalks and torn up White Zombie shirt. Damn, did I really dress like that? I shake my head in disappointment of my past self. He spots me and we circle each other like dogs in a park greeting one another with a whiff of the rump. Satisfied, we both sit down, me with my cappuccino and me with my 5,000 oz. tub of soda.

Past Me – Look at the size of this thing! Refill not required!
Present Me – You stink! Is this your Marlboro phase or Newport phase?
Past Me – Marlboro, and what are playing on? – [I reach out to take my phone]
Present Me – [Pulling away quickly] Whoa there chief, we can’t occupy the same space at the same time. Laws of time travel.
Past Me – What?
Present Me – Never mind. It’s my phone.
Past Me – What? That’s a phone?
Present Me – That’s right, it’s 1997 for you isn’t it? Here, you can play with it. [Lays phone on the table]
Past Me  – [Picks up phone and doesn’t know what to do with it] Why’d we meet here? What’s wrong with Insomniac or the 8-Ball?
Present – Doesn’t exist anymore, sorry. Besides, in due time you’ll find this more peaceful.
Past – Whatever, so how the hell did I turn into this?
[I guess it should be noted that at the time I was in 11th grade, drumming in metal band, smoked and really had no prospects. You know, your typical rebellious youth. Although, to my benefit I had a 4.0 GPA and graduated in the top 1% in my class.]
Present – Well, I don’t want to ruin anything for you other than you’ll love where you end up. Enjoy the journey and buckle in; it gets bumpy.
Past – Listen to you, all proper and shit. What, you’re gonna tell me you’re married with kids.
[I give me a rye look and sip my cappuccino. No words, just a smile I can’t contain.]
Past – What?! You know we never want kids! Jesus man, what gives? I guess I know where the band is headed then. Damn! Is it Tammy? I know, you won’t tell me. But damn! Hey, you remember when we’d sneak the car out of the driveway after mom and dad were asleep to go over there? In fact, we gotta gig tonight and are going out after. You game?
[Look at me. Jumping thoughts before the first is finished. Man, I do remember that. I bite my tongue as my current father brain kicks in thinking he’ll/me will get a piece of mind if I found out. What the hell was I thinking back then? If my kid ever…. Then I realized I forgot that kind of freedom of playing gigs and partying all night after. Then I thought why would I want that life now? I have my son to party with until 8pm, then things to catch up on until 10 pm. Then sleep. Rinse and repeat.]
Present – [Smiling of course] Nah, I got daddy plans. By the way, quitting smoking is the third best thing to happen to you. You’ll see. That 500 oz. of crap you’re drinking? You’ll actually be able to taste it. And I completely forgot I used to wear that stupid chain. Still getting it caught in park benches?
Past – Nah, just the once. Besides, you remember that park attendant that helped. Bending over those things heaving out of her….
Present – Yeah, yeah. I remember. How can I forget? Anyway, I just really forgot what I was like back then. You tend to indulge in the present and forget all the things that made you who you are and how you got to where you’re going.
Past – [Still playing with the phone, unable to turn it on] What are you going on about? How do you work this thing?
[Phone rings and surprises me and I drop it. Then I pick up my phone and answer. It’s Mrs. K wondering where I’m at and that it’s time to something. Doesn’t matter what. It’s how I abruptly end the meeting to move along. I could go on all night with this conversation…!]
Present – Well, that’s the wife and son. Gotta run. You’ll love spending evenings with your son. I promise. [Packs up lunch in doggy bag and heads to the door] Just remember to not change anything you do. I love our life.
Past – So it’s a boy, huh?
[Dammit!  Schrödinger’s cat is alive and pissed. I don’t say anything and keep walking]
Past – Wait, how do I get back? Don’t leave me me!
Present – You’ll find a way, I’m still here right? You’ll figure it out. You are smart after all.
And as I write the ending of this, things around my house start slowly fading out of existence, including my dogs and eventually my child. Maybe I had some problems getting back after all! Just kidding. I’m fine and so is my family. But after this meeting with myself I realized a few of things. If not for all the dumb things I did then, it wouldn’t have led me to where I am now. Second, that I had it pretty good with my parents, and have always had a new found respect for them into my adulthood. Lastly, it’s not bad at all to lose yourself in your children and parenting. After all, they are who we become. I love being submersed in all things Bub.  It isn’t about losing your past self. It’s about letting your past self evolve into your present and future selves. Your past is always there; sometimes taunting you, but always allowing you to be the father your child deserves you to be.

2 thoughts on “Meeting of My-Selves

  1. So, given the laws of time travel, this meeting has always happened. Don't you remember meeting the man who claimed he was you when you were 17? Or did the MIBs show up to wipe your memory? LOL. Truly we are the sum of our past. I wouldn't be the man and father I am today without the experiences I had in my youth. Good post.


  2. Thanks! And spot on with the laws, but aren't all shows involving time travel glazing over laws? LOL. Or maybe MIB's truly are present. Hmmm. Something to ponder.


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