A Becoming Dad Thank You

This is the picture that inspired this post.

     As father’s day approaches I find myself as the one being celebrated instead celebrating my father/in-law. It got me thinking about how I actually became the father I currently am. I know where I started, and it’s definitely miles from where I currently am. When we first brought Bub home I was absolutely in love with our bundle, but something still wasn’t complete. I thought in the hospital that I would be completely fine. Everything went perfect there and it seemed like he adored me. Looking back, those moments in the hospital seemed dreamy at best now. It wasn’t until we got home that it went from dream to abrupt reality.

     After our arrival home I found myself looking at a crying miniature human in his most tiniest, vulnerable state. With my wife in the other room, my eyes flooded with tears as I watched my son wailing in his little carrier. For the first time in my life I felt an extreme confusion without the faintest idea of what to do. I was completely clueless.  All of a sudden I felt a disconnect between my son and I that blacked out any bond we previously developed. A little postpartum depression perhaps? With my wife coming back in the room I walked to the kitchen to mask my leaky eyes and onset of confusion.
     Fast forward a day and the confusion settled as I settled into my new role. My feeling of disconnect was still present, but not as severe. I was still lost; well not lost and much as directionless. I loved my son immensely, even through these feelings I was fighting. But as a father, I felt something amiss.
     Somehow I stumbled upon Becoming Dad. I saw Darren’s postings about him and his son; their relationship, all the happy and inspirational moments they share. I went to his site and read what I could and what Becoming Dad was about. Something about this project inspired me. I can’t quite pin-point what it was, but something sparked in my head and saw something in my fatherly role that wasn’t previously there. I began seeing Bub in a new light. Seeing how conscientious a father Darren (and other guest admins) were and his mentoring helped me regain something I left at the hospital. I still couldn’t tell you what exactly it was that helped, but it was through Becoming Dad.
     Shortly after I subscribed to Becoming Dad, Darren set up a Dad’s only group, to which I quickly joined. I think I was one of the first few to join. In this group, fathers from around the globe quickly shared and answered questions. This was quite possibly the best outlet I had since Bub’s birth to receive feedback without feeling judged or ridiculed. Not only did I receive feedback, it felt rewarding knowing I was in turn helping and guiding others.
     So I would like to send a thank you to Darren and his project of Becoming Dad. I don’t know where I might be in my role of father if not for stumbling on your site. I can say that Becoming Dad inspired me to become the father I am today, in my first celebration of Father’s Day as a father. I consider you a silent mentor in my journey, even though we’ve never officially spoke to one another.

     Many will scoff at such a thing as classes for Fathers to be and the like. I say open your mind and accept what could be. It helped me tremendously in my current role. I’m now the strong, conscientious, connected father I wanted to be. I’m now fully immersed in all things Bub and that’s in part why I began my blog and FB page. To share with the others the joy in raising him.

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